i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
