i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
