she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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