Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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