Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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