Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
