yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
