yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
