I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
