stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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