turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
