was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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