Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
