I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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