it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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