Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
