I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize