The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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