Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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