Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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