woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
