You're so nebulous sometimes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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