she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
