I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
