so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
