i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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