I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
