I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
