I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
