Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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