Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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