your thong is hanging out like whoa
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
