I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
