well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
