I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
