We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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