I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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