lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
