White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
