I think I am morally bankrupt
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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