oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
