Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
