Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just pee around me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
