no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
