Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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