I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
