Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
