Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
