Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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