please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
