dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
