We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
