Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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