for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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