i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
