guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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