i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
