Acid is not a monday night drug
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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