I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
