She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
