How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
