he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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