singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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