So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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