bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
