I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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