So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
