It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I currently don't understand fingers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
